


Other Mistakes

by robinasnyder



Series: They Made Many Mistakes and Other Sith!Jinn Stories [2]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, M/M, Sith!Qui-Gon Jinn, Tragedy, evil!sith!Qui-Gon Jinn, non-con/rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-03-19 13:01:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13704984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinasnyder/pseuds/robinasnyder
Summary: AU of They Made Many MistakesQui-Gon is a fallen Jedi and Sith. He blames Obi-Wan for both, and does what he can to make his ex-Padawan pay for the youthful mistakes Obi-Wan made which led to Qui-Gon being thrown from the Jedi Order.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU of They Made Many Mistakes. In that fic, Qui-Gon is a Sith, but he and Obi-Wan use the smoke screen of an evil Sith humiliating a Jedi as a way to allow Obi-Wan to still be a Jedi, but for both of them to be together. I got the idea of wondering what would happen if it wasn't a smoke screen.

Coruscant was having a balmy night. Obi-Wan had taken off his jacket, leaving it inside the room when he headed out to the balcony. He was glad that his Master seemed to prefer having him covered. Certainly it didn’t stop the way Qui-Gon treated him from being humiliating. Obi-Wan fingered the flat white jewels that made up his collar. Obi-Wan had picked it himself. 

The choices he made didn’t make it better. It just made him a party to everything that happened. 

Coruscant had a certain air to it. It wasn’t a clean place. The Lair was clean and silent in its own way, though there was always the sounds of electricity and droids and Clones who stayed nearby, desperate to protect him, but wary of crossing a line and making things worse. Coruscant was the constant hum of life and movement, the ever changing never change of a city. 

“So, this is where you ran off to,” Qui-Gon said. 

“Mmm,” Obi-Wan hummed, not really answering. Force, sometimes it just hurt too much to look at the man. 

Obi-Wan was leaned against the balcony rail, enjoying the warm night. When he went back inside, he would have to undress and put on a show and be good. He wasn’t ready for it yet.

“Oh, so that’s what you think,” Qui-Gon said. 

Obi-Wan shivered. He didn’t like that tone. He turned around, pushing himself to stand up straight. Their bond had reforged when they had first met again after so many years separated. Neither of them had done it on purpose, but their very strong emotions for each other made it happen. Obi-Wan got snatches of emotions from Qui-Gon all the time. And Qui-Gon would get pieces of his thoughts. 

Obi-Wan didn’t want to admit how good Qui-Gon looked. He didn’t want to admit how even now, after everything, Qui-Gon simply braiding hair and having the collar of his shirt open was enough to get Obi-Wan’s blood pumping. He didn’t want to admit that the way Qui-Gon’s golden eyes flashed was appealing. He really didn’t want to admit that he liked when Qui-Gon looked at him with that possessive look. Obi-Wan was the only one Qui-Gon got that for. 

Inside Obi-Wan’s heart was a teenager who still had a crush on his Master. But Obi-Wan was an adult, and he knew the abuses Qui-Gon visited on him were unforgivable and wrong.

Qui-Gon crossed the distance between them, laying his hand on Obi-Wan’s hip. He squeezed. It was a firm, lovely touch. Obi-Wan couldn’t but drop his gaze. He couldn’t help the way his face heated up. This was the worst part. The touches that Obi-Wan wanted and reacted to were the worst. He shouldn’t desire the man who owned him. 

“You shouldn’t, but you do,” Qui-Gon said. “And yet, you try so hard to deny it. Really, you think being outside will save you from having to ‘be good’.” Qui-Gon’s tone was mocking, making Obi-Wan’s stomach twist. 

“Qui-Gon, please,” Obi-Wan whispered quickly. 

“Oh no, you’ve forgotten you place, Dear One.” Qui-Gon’s eyes sparkled with a dark delight. Obi-Wan swallowed. 

Qui-Gon pushed him back against the railing. It easily went up to Obi-Wan’s midback, which had made it perfectly comfortable to lean against. He wished for just a moment that the railing would break and he would fall to his death. But he brushed that thought aside as unworthy. If it happened, Qui-Gon may go back on his promise of peace. Or worse, Qui-Gon might fall too. 

Obi-Wan hated that he thought that was worse. 

Qui-Gon fit perfectly against him, like he always did. He pressed against Obi-Wan, keeping one arm around Obi-Wan to keep him steady. His mouth found Obi-Wan’s with ease. Obi-Wan kissed back, like always. He learned from their first time that kissing back felt better. It didn’t change the violation, but in the moment it was more pleasant. 

And he loved the way Qui-Gon kissed him. He loved Qui-Gon’s mouth. He loved the way his moustache tickled and the way he liked to leave little kisses at the corner of Obi-Wan’s mouth. Qui-Gon’s chest was a warm, solid weight against his own chest. It was soothing now, familiar. All of this was familiar, except for the setting, which was familiar in its own way. 

Qui-Gon’s free hand began to tug Obi-Wan’s shirt from his pants. Obi-Wan let out a soft whimper. He closed his eyed, trying to block out what was about to happen. 

“Oh no, Dear One,” Qui-Gon purred. His breath was hot against Obi-Wan’s mouth. “You’re going to keep your eyes open. You’re going to watch.” 

“Yes, Master,” Obi-Wan whispered as he opened his eyes again. Qui-Gon was wearing a satisfied smirk. 

“There we go,” Qui-Gon murmured. He held Obi-Wan a little closer and went back to kissing. 

Obi-Wan focused on the kisses, and the way Qui-Gon looked. He was terribly handsome and Obi-Wan always felt a little lusty himself when Qui-Gon got that hazy, half lidded look in his eyes. Obi-Wan thought on how much he did desire Qui-Gon to have him, not on what Qui-Gon was doing with his hand.

The night wasn’t at all cold, but it still felt cool against the skin Qui-Gon barred on he got Obi-Wan’s shirt out of his pants. Obi-Wan bit down another whimper. His hands were shaking slightly, but he still moved them to the top button of his shirt.

Qui-Gon had demanded his cooperation as a price for peace. Well, he had demanded Obi-Wan come to him and stay with him. It was Obi-Wan’s decision to cooperate. It felt worse, knowing he could fight back and Qui-Gon would still take him anyway. When he cooperated he got gentle kisses. Qui-Gon always took care of his body, always made him feel good, even it also hurt.

They both unbuttoned Obi-Wan’s shirt. Once all the buttons were undone, Qui-Gon ran his hand up Obi-Wan’s stomach. Obi-Wan’s belly trembled a little. He loved these light touches, which was why Qui-Gon did it.

“Good boy,” Qui-Gon said, sounding so satisfied with himself.

Obi-Wan cast his eyes away, but he began to shift his shirt off his shoulders, so he thought he’d probably get away with it.

“Look at how eager you are,” Qui-Gon mused. He helped Obi-Wan tug the shirt off. It fell to the balcony floor. A gentle night breeze blew against Obi-Wan bare back, causing him to shiver. 

Qui-Gon opened his arms to him and Obi-Wan went willingly. Qui-Gon was warm, and his hold warmed Obi-Wan up while he adjusted. 

“It’s what you want,” Obi-Wan mumbled against Qui-Gon’s chest. 

“Hm?” Qui-Gon asked, not having heard what Obi-Wan said. 

Obi-Wan pulled his face from the security of Qui-Gon’s broad chest and met his golden eyes. “It’s what you want.” 

“And you are eager to give me what I want,” Qui-Gon noted. Obi-Wan just shrugged. It wasn’t untrue, not totally. 

Obi-Wan tipped his head up, wanting to be kissed again. Qui-Gon obliged easily, like every fantasy Obi-Wan had in his youth. Qui-Gon’s large, rough hands running up his back, the way he held Obi-Wan close he kissed. Every bit of it were from a thousand dreams and wishes that had led them both to this ruin.

Obi-Wan broke the kiss, gasping for air. It seemed hard to find suddenly. This was his fault. All of it. HE had ruined them both like this. 

“Shh, shh, none of that,” Qui-Gon soothed. He looked concerned, rubbing Obi-Wan’s back slowly. “Don’t let the guilt overtake you. You pay your penance every day, my dear Padawan. Don’t drown in your own guilt.” 

It was stupid how much even that much soothed him. He never let himself consider how easy it would be to accept that falsehood wholesale. If he allowed Qui-Gon to convince him that everything had been his fault, and that he needed to suffer to pay it back, then he wasn’t certain what else he’d allow Qui-Gon to convince him of. 

He didn’t consider what he’d already been convinced of.  
He found his breath again when Qui-Gon dragged Obi-Wan’s face against his chest. The scent and strength and familiar feel brought him back to that moment. Obi-Wan stayed there for a full minute, hiding from what he was about to do. Qui-Gon allowed him to do so. He didn’t have to force Obi-Wan to do anything anymore. Obi-Wan would do it on his own. 

Obi-Wan pulled away, meeting his Master’s eyes. Pretty gold. They fit Qui-Gon’s face somehow. “Qui-Gon, will you take my boots off for me?” 

Qui-Gon smiled, looking more pleased than smug. He nudged Obi-Wan to lean back against the rail again. He knelt down and began with the complicated buckles that adorned them. He’d had them special made for Obi-Wan. They were just like Jedi boots, but so much more expensive because of the soft leather and the beautiful designs stitched into them. 

That was one of the few blessings of all of this. Qui-Gon liked him as a Jedi. He didn’t want to turn him. He wanted Obi-Wan to remain a Jedi and suffer. He wanted the whole universe to know that Obi-Wan Kenobi was a Jedi who bowed to the Sith. So it was humiliating, but Obi-Wan got to keep his soul. 

Obi-Wan tugged his foot from the first boot and allowed Qui-Gon to pull off his sock as well. The balcony floor was cool under his foot, but not truly unpleasant. He shifted his weight to his barefoot while Qui-Gon worked on his other boot. When Qui-Gon’s finished, Obi-Wan withdrew his foot the same way he had from his other boot, and kept it up in the air while Qui-Gon plucked the sock from his foot. 

Obi-Wan shifted his weight again while Qui-Gon stood. It was a lovely picture, really, Qui-Gon on his knees for him. Sometimes Qui-Gon liked to torment him with all kinds of pleasures. Qui-Gon getting on his knees for him always made Obi-Wan feel weak.

Obi-Wan nervously licked his lips. Qui-Gon’s eyes followed his tongue with interest. Obi-Wan laid his hands on Qui-Gon’s hips to get his attention. 

“How do you want me?” Obi-Wan asked, trying not to shiver. It wasn’t at all cold, but he wanted to know just how bared he was supposed to be. 

“Face the rail, and hold on,” Qui-Gon said. He didn’t need to say more.

Obi-Wan took in a deep breath and then turned around. He grabbed onto the rail as he was instructed. He could feel Qui-Gon’s mouth on his back instantly. Qui-Gon’s hand began to not-so-gently grope at his backside. It wouldn’t have been comfortable to begin with, but before they’d left for the Senate Qui-Gon had ‘helpfully’ filled Obi-Wan up with a bunch of lube and a lovely little butt plug that happened to have a good sized ruby on the end. For the most part, Obi-Wan ignored the thing. It was amazing what a body could get used to.

In the wake of the absolute dread of what was about to happen, Obi-Wan had completely forgotten about it until Qui-Gon’s finger began teasing the end, moving the plug and reminding Obi-Wan that he was ready to be taken at any time his Master wished. 

Obi-Wan didn’t bury his face in his arms. He wanted to. His face burned red and he didn’t have to throw his senses out with the Force far to know that people were watching. Reports would be paid tens of thousands of credits for good footage of this type of action. Plenty of reporters didn’t believe that Obi-Wan was here under duress. These images would be a coffin nail for a lot of people. 

His face was bright red as Qui-Gon’s thumb flicked open the button of his pants and the pulled down the zipper. Qui-Gon’s other hand, the on that had been teasing him through his pants, tugged the pants down over his cheeks, barring his rump to the Sith Master. 

Blessedly, Qui-Gon dragged the pants no lower. Between Obi-Wan’s bent position and the way the pants fit, they stayed up enough to provide some cover. Obi-Wan nearly burst into tears merely from relief. 

Obi-Wan felt the familiar feeling of Qui-Gon’s fingers between his cheeks. In one swift motion, he pulled out the plug, causing Obi-Wan to shudder. It wasn’t a small plug. It was only through trial and error that they had figured out which plug was big enough and how much lube could be used to be certain Obi-Wan wouldn’t leak, but also would be prepared for when Qui-Gon wanted him. 

It was never Qui-Gon’s intention to rip him up. He could be rough with Obi-Wan, but Obi-Wan knew that Qui-Gon preferred to make him feel good during sex, at least physically. The emotional duress was a totally different matter. 

Qui-Gon dropped the plug into Obi-Wan’s pocket, which made Obi-Wan make a disgusted little grunt. He did not want think about cleaning that up later. Qui-Gon chuckled. 

“You’re so pretty like this,” Qui-Gon murmured, placing another trailing kiss on his spine. 

“I hope you find me pretty other ways, or I’m in real trouble,” Obi-Wan quipped. He would be sassing people on his death bed.

“I find you pretty in all ways,” Qui-Gon said. Obi-Wan could feel Qui-Gon’s amusement and affection across their bond. For a half second it felt like Obi-Wan’s heart stopped. 

Tears came to his eyes for real. Why did it have to be like this?

“I love you, Qui-Gon Jinn. I’m always going to love you,” Obi-Wan said. He meant it. He couldn’t think of what Qui-Gon could do to make Obi-Wan hate him. Everything he did now didn’t even make Obi-Wan hate him. And Obi-Wan deserved to hate him after all of this. He just couldn’t. He’d never be able to, no matter how he wished it. 

“I know,” Qui-Gon said. 

Qui-Gon entered him in one quick, rough thrust which made Obi-Wan jolt from abruptness. Qui-Gon wasn’t going slow this time, and it almost surprised Obi-Wan until he got a vague feeling from the bond. Qui-Gon didn’t particularly want to do this. 

But he was anyway. Obi-Wan didn’t need to know the why for it to hurt. 

Obi-Wan did his best to not focus on how much it hurt him. 

Qui-Gon opened their bond up intentionally, allowing Obi-Wan to feel the pleasure he was taking on Obi-Wan. They did this sometimes. There was something uniquely exquisite about being able to both parts at the same time. Obi-Wan hadn’t been even slightly turned on before that, but after he found himself hard very quickly. 

Almost as soon as he was, Qui-Gon’s hand began to palm him through his pants. Normally, Obi-Wan didn’t enjoy this. He didn’t like getting his clothes messy with bodily fluids for one. But he liked it this time. He liked that Qui-Gon did keep him covered. He liked that some part of Qui-Gon still wanted to protect him, or at least keep part of Obi-Wan to himself. 

With the bond open, and with Qui-Gon’s touch, Obi-Wan didn’t last long. He came in his pant, hands gripping hard to the rail and groaning loudly. He thought bitterly that his voice would probably be all over the Holonet within the hour. 

He felt Qui-Gon follow him into orgasm quickly. Qui-Gon wasn’t loud, though. He bit Obi-Wan’s back, muffling his own sounds. The whimper Obi-Wan gave helped to cover whatever noise Qui-Gon made anyway. 

They stood there for a moment. Obi-Wan held onto the rail to stay up. Qui-Gon held him up as much as he leaned into Obi-Wan to help stay up himself. They just stayed still, sweating and breathing and just together. 

Qui-Gon made the first move. He pulled out. Obi-Wan heard him right himself into his pants. Then Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan’s pants up. “Stay still,” Qui-Gon said quietly. 

Obi-Wan said nothing. He stayed still. He closed his eyes and shifted so he could lean against the rail. He buried is face in his arms. He felt so damn tired. 

Two strong arms scooped him up. Obi-Wan was settled against Qui-Gon’s chest. Obi-Wan snuggled in, glad he could finally hide. He didn’t want to imagine what would greet him in the News in the morning. He just wanted to be held. 

Qui-Gon carried him back into the hotel room. Distantly, Obi-Wan noticed that Qui-Gon had brought his boots in, though he’d left the rest of the clothes out of the balcony, likely for the Press to greedily take pictures of. 

The balcony door shut behind them, finally taking them from the prying eyes of the media. Obi-Wan buried his face in Qui-Gon’s shirt. He was hiding, maybe that was shameful, but he couldn’t stop himself. He felt as if Qui-Gon had stripped off his skin, beaten his insides and then lovingly redressed him in his own flesh, as if the damage hadn’t been done at all. 

Qui-Gon carried Obi-Wan to the bathroom. He silently set Obi-Wan down. They didn’t talk while they cleaned up. Qui-Gon carefully cleaned the lube and semen out of Obi-Wan, giving him a small touch of relief to know that they were done for the night. Obi-Wan didn’t have the heart for more. 

Qui-Gon dried them both, and Obi-Wan let him. Once they were decidedly less damp, Obi-Wan held his arms out. He didn’t meet Qui-Gon’s gaze, and he didn’t make a sound, but he didn’t have to. Qui-Gon picked him up and carried him to bed. 

The bed the hotel provided them was big enough to accommodate them three times over at least, but still, they pair of them tended to sleep pressed against each other in the very middle. Qui-Gon settled him on the edge. As soon as Qui-Gon moved away, Obi-Wan moved to his normal spot in bed and climbed under the covers. 

He chastised himself for acting like a child. The coldness he felt came from his soul, not from the perfectly comfortable hotel room. Still, the blankets provided some comfort. Qui-Gon’s impressive body heat helped too, once he had settled against Obi-Wan under the covers as well. Qui-Gon’s presence made the ice in his veins feel sharper, but at least it warmed his body. 

“Are you angry with me?” Qui-Gon asked. 

Obi-Wan shook his head no. He couldn’t look at Qui-Gon, not yet. But no, he wasn’t angry. It would be so much easier if he could just be angry at him, or if he could just hate him. 

Qui-Gon kissed the back of his neck. Obi-Wan dropped his chin to his chest so Qui-Gon to reach better. 

“There’s a good little Jedi,” Qui-Gon said. 

“Please, not tonight,” Obi-Wan said, his voice wavering lightly on the last word. “I was good for you. You know I was. So please.” 

“Alright,” Qui-Gon said. He flattened his hand over Obi-Wan’s belly, giving a little rub. Obi-Wan supposed it may be his form of apology, since Obi-Wan always liked belly rubs. “You were excellent for me. Good service like that and your sentence will be over in no time.” 

“I don’t know, Master,” Obi-Wan said, turning to press his face into the pillows. 

“I do,” Qui-Gon said. “I know you never _meant_ to harm me, Obi-Wan. But all actions have consequences, but consequences don’t last forever.”

“They can,” Obi-Wan said quietly. 

Qui-Gon nipped his ear in chastisement. Obi-Wan winced lightly, his expression still buried in the pillows. “These won’t,” Qui-Gon insisted. “When you have served your time, and repaid the suffering and humiliation you forced me to bear, then we will both be free of this. And you will have what you always wanted.” 

Qui-Gon had expressed this sentiment too many times before. Obi-Wan knew Qui-Gon had suffered for Obi-Wan’s foolish mistake. But Qui-Gon was a fool if he thought that whenever the humiliation counter in his head reached whatever number he had in mind that Obi-Wan would be his happy, willing lover. 

It cut Obi-Wan’s heart out, because he wished it was that way. He wanted to be able to sweep it all under the rub and be alright. But Qui-Gon was his owner, not his teacher, or lover, or friend. The sex they had wasn’t making love, or even just good old fashioned fucking. It was rape, assault on Obi-Wan’s very being. Qui-Gon used Obi-Wan’s love against him. He broke his heart in a thousand different ways. 

It couldn’t just be okay when it ended. If it even ended. 

Obi-Wan expressed none of this. Those thoughts he kept locked up so tightly they couldn’t even slip across the bond. Maybe it was his own form of cruelty. Maybe it was cowardice, but he didn’t want Qui-Gon to know his dream was impossible. 

“Yes, Master,” he said. “Can we sleep?” 

“Mm, yes, we were up early. Sleep well, Obi-Wan, the Senate beckons us in the morning,” Qui-Gon said. He buried is nose in Obi-Wan’s neck. 

Obi-Wan smiled just a little. Qui-Gon like to sleep wrapped up in Obi-Wan. Despite everything, Obi-Wan liked to sleep wrapped in Qui-Gon. It was all so broken, he just gave up trying to tell himself not to accept comfort where it was offered.

Qui-Gon fell asleep first, but Obi-Wan followed shortly afterwards. He had gotten very good at shoving to the back of his mind whatever comfortable truths he was supposed to face. Certainly he’d never get to sleep if he stayed up all night thinking about his misery. And Qui-Gon really was wonderfully warm.


	2. Chapter 2

Two years had passed since Obi-Wan returned to his side. When Obi-Wan had first returned Qui-Gon had taken a grim satisfaction in returning the humiliation Obi-Wan had dealt him by his school boy confession. It wasn’t that Qui-Gon truly enjoyed it, it simply needed to be done. He did a little, he couldn’t say there wasn’t a part of him that wasn’t happy to see the cause of his Fall suffering as he had suffered. But a larger part of him, the part off him that was drawn to Obi-Wan Kenobi, had not enjoyed seeing Obi-Wan cry, or hurt, or beg for it to stop. But Obi-Wan had done the damage and had accepted that he had to repent. 

Qui-Gon didn’t have a way to make a number in his head, but he imagined when Obi-Wan had finally repaid the debt that Qui-Gon would know. He imagined counting up to the day. But strangely, after two years Qui-Gon simply realized he didn’t even know when Obi-Wan had finished with his debt. But he knew Obi-Wan had, and had done so a long time before. 

Sex had become a sweeter, softer kind of love making. Obi-Wan didn’t turn away his gifts or his affections. He sought Qui-Gon out for them. He told Qui-Gon often how he loved him. Obi-Wan was the author of many of his plans. He’d been the one to make the Kingship possible. Obi-Wan had been the reason the CIS had been able to fully split from the Republic. 

It surprised him that he hadn’t realized before that he had forgiven Obi-Wan a long time before. But it shouldn’t have. He’d just gotten used to life with his lover. And as the lover of Darth Serenus, Obi-Wan deserved the proper recognition as such. He deserved every beautiful thing Qui-Gon could give him. He deserved every luxury. He deserved every title and every respect. 

When he realized, Qui-Gon made a call to Dooku. 

“You want me to get a wedding ring for you?” Dooku asked once Qui-Gon had explained. There was no little disbelief in his tone. 

“There’s no way that I can get away long enough to buy the thing without someone noticing. I want it to be a surprise. I have design already. I just need you to commission it for me from someone with some discretion.” 

Dooku let out a long sigh. “I don’t believe this will work the way you think it will.” 

“You haven’t even seen my design yet,” Qui-Gon said, a little whine in his voice.

“That isn’t what I mean,” Dooku said. “My old Padawan, I do not think that Obi-Wan will be as happy with this as you think he will.”

“Why?” Qui-Gon demanded. He knew that Dooku hadn’t liked Qui-Gon taking as he did, but Obi-Wan understood. He had waited for Qui-Gon to forgive him and been patient and willing. “He tells me he loves me all the time.” 

Dooku let out another long, heavy sigh. “I might be wrong.” 

“You are wrong,” Qui-Gon snapped. “You’re wrong. Now, will you do this for me?” 

“Send me the design. I’ll be certain it’s done,” Dooku said. 

“Good,” Qui-Gon said shortly.

* * *

He put the matter of his old Master’s disbelief out of his mind. Instead, he turned his mind to his plans. He thought about a very public proposal, certainly Obi-Wan deserved it, but Qui-GOn also knew Obi-Wan would despise it. He was a private man. He didn’t like being in the public eye any more than he had to, and he wouldn’t think some grand public gesture would be romantic.

Qui-Gon remembered how many points he’d given Obi-Wan after Qui-Gon fucked him on the balcony. It had been all over the holonews and holonet, and Obi-Wan had been miserable about it for months. He still turned rather pale any time it came up (and it came up a lot more than Qui-Gon would have liked. Even he had to admit that he’d miscalculated just how much people would pay attention.) Obi-Wan shied from the public before that, but after he practically became allergic to it. 

While Qui-Gon was certain that a public proposal would do a lot to reverse that bit of public opinion, he just decided that he would give a very public engagement party instead. That would be much more controlled and Obi-Wan could invite his friends. He would probably like that much more. 

He hired one of Obi-Wan’s favorite chefs to come cook for them for the night, and he picked Obi-Wan’s favorite music for them to dance to. He blocked off the entire night for both of their schedules for Date Night. Then he planned for the party itself. He didn’t know where Obi-Wan would want to have it, but he got a lot of estimates and compared schedules that he knew of among Obi-Wan’s friends. 

Dooku did come through with the ring. It was a beautiful combination of silver and white metals twined around Corellian shimmerglass, a very expensive, very delicate looking material that was as sturdy as any diamond and twice as bright. It would look beautiful on Obi-Wan’s hand. And no one would question that Obi-Wan was his partner.

Qui-Gon dressed up well for big night. He even allowed the servants to work on his hair, even having them put an extra braid into the main braid in a style that Obi-Wan always seemed to find fascinating. He’d picked the blues and greens he knew Obi-Wan liked to see him in. Of course Obi-Wan would pick up that something was going on. 

“What has you all excited?” Obi-Wan asked, a little smile playing on that smart mouth of his.

Obi-Wan wore a pretty combination of light and dark browns. When he’d first returned to Qui-Gon he had dressed as much like a Jedi as Qui-Gon would allow. Now he dressed more varied. He still preferred subdued colors, but instead of items always cut to mimic jedi tunics and tabards, he allowed himself to dress like a civilian. And he just looked so beautiful dressing like that. 

Qui-Gon crossed the distance between them. He wrapped his arms around his Obi-Wan and drew him into a warm kiss. Obi-Wan fitted himself against Qui-Gon the way he’d done a thousand times before. He kissed Qui-Gon like there wasn’t anything else in the universe he wanted to be doing.   
Qui-Gon almost felt drunk when Obi-Wan pulled away. He took one of Obi-Wan’s hands and laced their fingers. Obi-Wan’s eyes dropped to their hands and a soft smile settled on his mouth. Qui-Gon’s heart swelled so much it actually hurt him. No one in the Universe meant more to him than Obi-Wan did. 

“I had a thought the other day,” Qui-Gon said. 

“Oh, that’s surprising,” Obi-Wan said. He was smirking. Qui-Gon kissed the edge of his mouth, which just made him smirk more when Qui-Gon pulled back. 

“I set myself up for that, of course.” 

“Of course,” Obi-Wan said. “Now, what is this thought you had.” 

“Oh, well, we’ve been together for two years. Nowadays most couples would be married by now,” Qui-Gon said. It wasn’t the smooth beginning to a proposal he had planned for. He opened his mouth to try and say something more romantic, but he didn’t get the chance. 

Obi-Wan let out a loud laugh. He dropped Qui-Gon’s hand to slam his hand over his mouth to try and stifle his laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Qui-Gon asked, scowling at Obi-Wan. Not that Obi-Wan knew the serious thing Qui-Gon was trying to do, but uproarious laughter seemed really inappropriate for what he’d just said. 

“I’m sorry, but you just said that like we were actually a couple,” Obi-Wan said, laughter still in his voice. 

It felt for just a second like Qui-Gon’s heart stopped. And when it started again it gave the most painful jolt he’d ever felt. He couldn’t help but wince. Obi-Wan didn’t even notice because he was too busy wiping his eyes. 

“Can you imagine?” he asked, mirth still heavy in his voice. “The King of the Confederacy marrying his slave? That’s the siliest thing I think I’ve ever heard.” 

Qui-Gon’s heart didn’t just stop this time. It felt like this entire planet halted. 

“Is that how you see us?” he heard himself ask, but it didn’t feel like he actually said it.

Obi-Wan met his gaze. He gave a smile that was laced with pity. “You own me. There isn’t an us. Surely you have noticed.” 

Qui-Gon snorted. He pulled himself together. He didn’t want to be caught so flat footed. He couldn’t think about it or anything but that moment and making it one second to the next. He’d livedt hat way for a long time. He was very good at it.

“In any case, we still have an anniversary,” he said. 

“Yes, I suppose that is true,” Obi-Wan said. “You planned something special for me, didn’t you?” 

“I got Hako Reed to make dinner for us,” Qui-Gon said. Obi-Wan’s eyes lit up instantly. 

“You don’t have to butter me up to get me into bed,” Obi-Wan teased. This time those words lanced his heart. 

Qui-Gon kissed his forehead. “You deserve nice things, Obi-Wan.” 

“Glad you think so,” Obi-Wan said, sounding pleased. 

“Good, because this is a night for you,” Qui-Gon whispered against Obi-Wan’s forehead. The ring in his pocket felt heavier than any weight Qui-Gon had been put under in his life.

* * *

Qui-Gon found an excuse to send Obi-Wan off for a couple days. Dooku needed and assistant with organizing his library. The knowing look Dooku had given him when Qui-Gon had requested he take Obi-Wan hurt as much as anything else did. 

Dooku had known. He’d tried to warn him even. But Qui-Gon hadn’t wanted to listen. 

Somewhere during those two years Qui-Gon had stopped seeing sex with Obi-Wan as anything but sex. No, that wasn’t true. He saw it as making love. He had let himself believe that Obi-Wan saw it the same. Obi-Wan was such an enthusiastic lover, for the most part, that it had been easy to allow himself to believe. 

But it had never just been sex for Obi-Wan. Had he ever wanted a single time they were together? He’d had to blackmail Obi-Wan into even coming to him at all. Obi-Wan had to despise him. 

He’d hurt the man he loved the most in ways he could never fix. The more he thought about it, the more it made him feel sick. He’d convinced himself that Obi-Wan had to suffer. So he’d raped him. He’d done to Obi-Wan what had been done to him. Qui-Gon had gone through had killed everyone he could find who had taken him against his will, or even paid for sex. 

How could Obi-Wan look at him and smile? How could he pretend to ever be happy? How much did it cost him to pretend to love Qui-Gon to appease him? Qui-Gon held his life in his hands. Qui-Gon held a lot over Obi-Wan’s head. 

There was no way to make it better. 

But he decided he could keep it from getting worse. 

He was waiting in the hangar for Obi-Wan when he arrived back. Obi-Wan smiled when he saw him like he always did after they’d been separated. Like he’d always done even when Obi-Wan was still just a Padawan. 

Obi-Wan walked down the ramp, an extra bit of speed in his step as he crossed the distance between them. He collided with Qui-Gon’s chest with more force than was necessary. He had to go up onto his toes, but he pulled Qui-Gon into a kiss. Qui-Gon allowed himself one tiny moment of weakness to kiss back. But then he quickly pulled away. 

“You can’t stay,” Qui-Gon said. His voice sounded ragged. 

Obi-Wan’s gaze was instantly filled with alarm. “What’s wrong?” 

“You’re going back to Coruscant,” Qui-Gon said. His emotions felt dulled, but also far too overpowering. Obi-Wan had his hands on his arms, and Qui-Gon couldn’t make himself pull away. This would be the last time Obi-Wan would ever touch him, except possibly to take his head off his shoulders one day. 

“What happened?” Obi-Wan demanded. There was a slightly panicked edge to his voice. 

“I’m freeing you. You’ve more than fulfilled everything I asked.” 

“But I promised. Are you backing out on our agreement?” He just looked so confused. Hell, he even looked wounded. Why did he have to look like that? 

“No,” Qui-Gon said. “I forgave you a long time ago. I should have done this a long time ago. I’m sending you home.” 

Obi-Wan took a step back. He was staring at Qui-Gon like Qui-Gon was crazy. Obi-Wan pressed his knuckles to his forehead. 

“Qui-Gon, I don’t understand where this is coming from. I promise I would stay with you. You never told me that you’d send me home before.” Obi-Wan’s voice cracked when he said ‘home’. Qui-Gon swallowed. He kept his face blank. 

“You did everything you promised. I’m not backing out on our deal.” He kept his voice gentle. “I’m just sending you home. You don’t owe me anything. Not a thing.” He never did. Qui-Gon swallowed. “Your things have been packed. Your transport is waiting for you. It’s taking you directly to the Temple.” 

“You… did you send me away so you could do this and I wouldn’t stop you?” Obi-Wan whispered. 

“No. But it did work out that way,” Qui-Gon admitted. 

Obi-Wan took a step toward him, but Qui-Gon took a step back. Obi-Wan gave him a bewildered, wounded look. But then he nodded. 

“I’m going home,” he said.

“Yes,” Qui-Gon said. 

“And I’m not coming back?” 

“No.” And how it ripped him up to say that. “May the Force be with you, Obi-Wan Kenobi.” 

Obi-Wan gave him a weak smile. He didn’t speak. He allowed Qui-Gon to direct him to his transport. He didn’t talk to Qui-Gon. He didn’t touch him. He didn’t turn back to look at him after he got on the transport. 

Qui-Gon didn’t know why he was surprised that Obi-Wan didn’t say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to go ahead and write the other stories. This is a dark AU. Although the "worst" has already happened.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been nine months since Qui-Gon had last been on Coruscant. It had been six months since he’d sent Obi-Wan away. He was obligated to go to Coruscant for negotiations. Bail Organa had come to his palace after all. But Obi-Wan had been there when Bail had come. Now Qui-Gon had no one. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t have offers. He had many. It was simply that there wasn’t a single being in the galaxy he wanted more than Obi-Wan. And since he couldn’t have Obi-Wan, he would rather be alone. 

And he clearly deserved to be alone. 

As much as he didn’t really want to return to the planet he once called home, he didn’t believe the visit would actually go badly. Things were very stable now. Their negotiations had gone well. The Confederacy was doing well. There were some minor trade measures that needed to be negotiated, but Qui-Gon likely wouldn’t even need to be at most of the meetings. He was there as a nod to continued peace and cooperation. 

That had been Obi-Wan’s idea, after all. And Bail had come and that meeting had gone very well. 

Qui-Gon arrived with the proper fanfare afforded him. He expected as much. Both the media circus and the extra guards provided by the Senate. Before, with Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon would have had a clone guard of his own. Part of the 212th returned with Obi-Wan. A couple, like Cody, stayed behind, although most of them moved out on their own. Cody stayed because of his relationship with Asajj, which was why not even Cody had come with Qui-Gon for this particular trip, since Ventress stayed behind to act in Qui-Gon’s stead.

Qui-Gon instead came with a combination of droid and human guards from the CIS. Besides them he was greeted by the Jedi guard he was assigned. He nodded to Luminara when he saw her. She gave him a look that was too blank to be pure hatred, but he was pretty certain that was how she felt about him anyway. 

The trip to the hotel was tedious at best. He didn’t want to be there. Truthfully, he hardly wanted to be anywhere. But he would rather be at his palace where he knew the best places to hide.

Still, he kept up a good face. He greeted Bail Organa at the photo-op, he sat through the meetings and contributed occasionally. He even managed to not be sick when he thought of how he’d made Obi-Wan bow at his feet during those meetings. And as much as he felt nauseous with guilt and shame, he felt even lonelier. He’d gotten used to Obi-Wan’s body pressed against his leg, or his hand on Qui-Gon’s knee.

He thought he was doing okay until the middle of the first week. Qui-Gon had gone to all kinds of events, trying to show off how good things were going between the Republic and the Confederacy. He’d gone to an Opera, and to some fundraising photo op thing where Qui-Gon was pretty sure he barely spoke a word because he go talked at so much. 

But the middle of the week event was some gala. It was large, opulent and full of the type of people who Qui-Gon had never liked even when he was Jedi. Qui-Gon got dressed up, picking an outfit that Obi-Wan had told him looked good on him. Whether Obi-Wan had lied to him about it or not, Qui-Gon still wanted some reminder nearby. He regretted his choice when he realized just how many Jedi were there. He would have worn something else if he’d thought it would get back to Obi-Wan that he had worn something he’d picked for the old Sith. 

Qui-Gon grit his teeth and prepared himself to avoided Mace, Luminara and whatever multitude of Jedi were around. But then he saw a flash of red that made his knees weak. Mace was standing by the refreshment table talking to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan was smiling. He always looked good when he smiled. 

Mace’s expression was unhappy, especially when he turned and saw Qui-Gon openly staring at them. He scowled at Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon almost raised his glass to Mace, just to bother him. But he saw Obi-Wan turn his gazed toward him. And he saw Obi-Wan smile, actually smile at him.

Qui-Gon did his best to bolt to the balcony and not look like he was running. He didn’t even care if he really succeeded. 

His heart was slamming into his ribs. Why was Obi-Wan there? What was the point? Was it to torture Qui-Gon? That would be terribly cruel to Obi-Wan, certainly. Maybe they were punishing Obi-Wan for what Qui-Gon had done to him. The thought made him sick. He dropped his glass over the rail when he grabbed onto it. He held on as tight as he could, trying to focus and just breathe. 

He took a few deep breaths to calm himself. He wanted to kill everyone in the ballroom for forcing them to be in the same room again. And he wanted to run away before he could manage to hurt anyone. He had tried so hard to stay away from Obi-Wan. He hadn’t contacted him, or gone anywhere he thought he would be. He’d even canceled a trip once on the rumor that the Jedi might be sending Obi-Wan on mission to the same planet Qui-Gon was supposed to be on, even though they would have been on different hemispheres. He’d even worked with Yan to try and get some of the nastier images of Obi-Wan expunged from the holonet. 

He hadn’t believed that anyone at the temple would force Obi-Wan to come anywhere near him. But there Obi-Wan was, and Qui-Gon didn’t know why. 

“You know the point of this function is to actually spend time with people.” Obi-Wan’s voice reached his ears, as did the sound of footsteps as Obi-Wan approached.

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and let out a long breath. He couldn’t face Obi-Wan. 

“Should I ask why you’re here?” Qui-Gon asked. He opened his eyes when he felt warmth settle at his side. Obi-Wan wasn’t touching him, but he was so close. Qui-Gon gripped the rail harder so he couldn’t do anything stupid like actually touch the man. Qui-Gon kept his gaze out on the city below them. Coruscant was as he remembered: lit up, brilliant, and full to the brim with misery. He focused on the lights rather than the seductive warmth at his side. If he looked at Obi-Wan he knew he would do something foolish.

“I wanted to see you,” Obi-Wan said. 

Qui-Gin let out a rough laugh. It sounded more like a bark. “Why would you want to do that?” Probably to spit on him.

“I missed you,” Obi-Wan said.

Qui-Gon’s head whipped around. He found himself starring at Obi-Wan. He looked well, healthy anyway. He was back in his Jedi robes, which were as put together as they always had been before. His hair was perfectly in place. And he looked sad. 

“I don’t understand,” Qui-Gon said. He didn’t. Why was any of this even happening? 

Obi-Wan turned and looked at him. Qui-Gon felt like he could drown in the sadness in Obi-Wan’s eyes. Qui-Gon would rip his own heart out and give it to Obi-Wan if that was what he wanted. Anything to ease that sadness. 

“I need you to answer something for me,” Obi-Wan said. His gaze didn’t leave Qui-Gon and that sadness just pinned Qui-Gon down. 

He swallowed and took a breath before he answered. “If I know the answer, then I will give it to you.” 

“Why did you send me away?” 

Qui-Gon stared at him. He didn’t know why that even mattered. It took him a moment to martial himself into order just so he could speak. He had promised Obi-Wan and answer. 

“I was letting you go.” 

“Yes, I noticed that,” Obi-Wan said a little shortly. “But I want to know why.” 

“I had hurt you. Terribly. I couldn’t keep you anymore.” 

“You never cared that you hurt me before.” Obi-Wan’s tone was acid laced with bitterness. Qui-Gon winced. “I seem to remember you reveling in it. So what changed?” 

“You told me you were my slave,” Qui-Gon said weakly. 

Obi-Wan snorted. “Seriously? Surely you realized before!” 

“No, I didn’t,” Qui-Gon said quietly. “I should have known. But I didn’t. I realized I had spent at least a year thinking of you as my partner and my lover, and that you couldn’t see us as the same. I couldn’t keep you with me when you couldn’t even want to be there.” 

He dropped his gaze back down to the rail. He hated himself for how he had acted. There was no way Obi-Wan would have thought that Qui-Gon was his lover. He’d given no indication at any point. 

“Partner?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“Yes,” Qui-Gon said. “I was foolish to think you could love me after what I did.” 

“You know, maybe you should ask me what I could and could not do.” Obi-Wan’s voice was as hard as blade. 

Qui-Gon looked up at Obi-Wan. There was the same steel in his gaze, and a lot of determination. It made Qui-Gon’s mouth go dry.

“If I was your partner, you should have asked me what I wanted.” 

“Oh,” Qui-Gon said. 

“It never even occurred to you, did it?” Obi-Wan asked. 

Qui-Gon shook his head no. “When I realized… I killed the people who did even a fraction of what I did to you. I know you told me you loved me, but I would have said anything back then to make it easier on myself. I didn’t think-”

“You didn’t,” Obi-Wan said shortly. “So?” 

“So what?” 

“Ask me,” Obi-Wan demanded. 

Qui-Gon let out a very deep sigh. “Obi-Wan, could you have ever loved me?” 

“I never stopped loving you, you old fool,” Obi-Wan said. He shoved Qui-Gon’s arm. Qui-Gon moved back a little with the shove. He knew he was staring open mouthed, but he couldn’t stop himself. “I never lied when I told you I loved you. That’s what made it hurt so much. I had no ability to hate you, no matter what you did.” 

Qui-Gon didn’t think his heart could have broken more if Obi-Wan said he did hate him. He dropped his gaze. He was too ashamed to look at Obi-Wan. How could he ever have claimed to love a man he had done that to?

“I’m sorry, Obi-Wan,” he said. 

“I know that now,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Qui-Gon asked. His eyes were on Obi-Wan’s shoulders. He couldn’t look him in the eyes. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said. “Let me come home?” His voice sounded so plaintive and soft. Qui-Gon’s eyes shot up. Obi-Wan looked shy. This time Obi-Wan was the one who dropped his gaze. 

“Why would you want to do that?” Qui-Gon demanded. 

“I already told you. I missed you. I know it may be terrible, but I never wanted to leave you to begin with. You just didn’t give me the option to stay.” 

“You wanted to stay?” Qui-Gon asked. 

“I did,” Obi-Wan said. “Will you let me come home?” 

Qui-Gon’s breath came out stuttered and broken. He reached for Obi-Wan and then froze. “Can I touch you?” he asked in a voice so quiet it wasn’t much more than a whisper. 

Obi-Wan didn’t answer. He walked right into Qui-Gon’s arms and hugged him tight. Qui-Gon hugged Obi-Wan fiercely in return. He kissed his beloved’s hair and took a moment to breathe in his scent. 

“Can I?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“You always, always have a place with me if you want it, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon said. “I want you to come home. My life is emptier without you in it.” 

Obi-Wan buried his face in Qui-Gon’s shoulder. “Is it awful to say ‘good’?” 

“Maybe a little vindictive, but I probably deserve it,” Qui-Gon said. He definitely deserved it and worse. Instead he had Obi-Wan in his arms, nuzzling his nose against his shirt and asking to come home, like Qui-Gon was his home. 

“Maybe,” Obi-Wan said, chuckling softly. “Did you miss me?” 

“More than I have words for,” Qui-Gon said. “You missed me?” 

“Very much,” Obi-Wan said. He still hadn’t taken his face from Qui-Gon’s chest. Qui-Gon rested his chin on the top of Obi-Wan’s head. 

“What about the Jedi?” Qui-Gon asked. 

“What about them?” Obi-Wan asked his chest.

“Are they going to try and come rescue you if I whisk you away again?” Qui-Gon asked. 

“I’m resigning my position,” Obi-Wan said. 

Qui-Gon backed away. He kept his arms around Obi-Wan, but he needed to look at him. “Why?” 

“You know what they did to Anakin and Ahsoka while I was gone… You know what they did to us. I told Mace that if you would take me I would go with you, and if not, I was going to go stay with Anakin and Padme in Naboo.” 

“You’re really leaving?” Qui-Gon asked. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said. He looked sad again, but not the same sad as before. “Even if you wouldn’t have me.” 

“Why wouldn’t I have you?” Qui-Gon asked. 

“I don’t know. I didn’t know why you sent me away. I thought you found another lover, but you weren’t seen with anyone. I thought maybe you were sick of me, but that didn’t make sense either. I didn’t know. You didn’t tell me anything. Just sent me away.” 

“Oh, Obi-Wan. I’m so sorry,” Qui-Gon said. He kissed his forehead, and then leaned his forehead against Obi-Wan’s. “I just didn’t want to hurt you anymore.” 

“I know,” Obi-Wan said. He closed his eyes. He drew in a shaky breath. Qui-Gon smiled at him, even though Obi-Wan couldn’t see it. 

“Will the next two weeks be enough time to get your affairs together?” Qui-Gon asked. 

“More than,” Obi-Wan said. He opened his eyes. “I’m looking forward to being home.” 

“I am too,” Qui-Gon whispered. 

Obi-Wan gave him a bittersweet smile, and then pressed his mouth to Qui-Gon’s. It was a short, soft kiss, but it completely ruined the way Qui-Gon breathed and the way his heart beat. 

“Don’t you dare send me away again,” Obi-Wan whispered. 

“Never. Not ever,” Qui-Gon promised him. Never. Not again. And this was a promise he was going to keep.


	4. Chapter 4

Obi-Wan came back with him on his ship. It wasn’t just Obi-Wan. The Clones who had left with him returned. As did a few other Clones who had added themselves to the Obi-Wan protection squad. All of them eyed Qui-Gon with distrust. Still, Qui-Gon was grateful, both for the loyalty of the ex-troopers and because even with as many people as there were in the Palace, it still felt lonely without the Clones.

Obi-Wan hadn’t merely joined Qui-Gon on the transport. Three days after the gala, Obi-Wan had resigned the Jedi and moved into the hotel with Qui-Gon. By the last week he was attending meetings with Qui-Gon again. Qui-Gon had no idea how he had ever lived without Obi-Wan. He needed Obi-Wan to help him rule if nothing else. Qui-Gon didn’t have the patience Obi-Wan did, not for politics. 

The reactions people had to Obi-Wan being at his side again were almost amusing. One of the members of the Trade Guild nearly pissed himself when he saw Obi-Wan was back. Even after Qui-Gon had snapped Nute Gunnray’s neck with the Force, none of them had regarded him with the same fear and reverence they gave General Obi-Wan Kenobi, Negotiator of the Republic. 

And maybe that was for the best. Certainly Bail had been very tense when he first saw Obi-Wan arrive at the meeting, but he quickly relaxed once Obi-Wan began quietly shredding and rebuilding the trade agreement. While Qui-Gon had assumed his position should be just a figurehead in those meetings, Obi-Wan seemed to disagree. He was very involved before it was all over, and therefore Qui-Gon was by extension.

Force, Qui-Gon had missed Obi-Wan terribly. He had no idea how he ever, ever thought that he could lead people without Obi-Wan there at his side. He’d certainly been a fool to try it. Obi-Wan wasn’t even up to date on the current politics within the CIS, but he still worked circles around the room. 

Outside of business and politics, Qui-Gon found himself openly staring at Obi-Wan fairly often. He knew Obi-Wan knew, since he would always smile at Qui-Gon when he caught Qui-Gon watching him. But he just kept it to staring, carefully keeping his hands to himself most of the time. Once Obi-Wan offered contact first, then he was more than happy to manhandle his lover quite a bit.

In the two weeks since they returned to Coruscant, Qui-Gon had become more certain of the affections he was allowed to give. Obi-Wan liked be held. He liked holding hands, but he more than once shied away when Qui-Gon tried to take his hand in public, so Qui-Gon stopped. He stopped all public affection pretty quickly. He was still a little uncertain what constituted ‘private’, since he felt like it should be fine at home. But home was a Palace with a lot of servants and Clones and Asajj running around. 

The one time Qui-Gon wasn’t uncertain was bed time. Once they laid down Obi-Wan snuggled right up to him. He liked being held when he slept and Qui-Gon was happy to oblige. While they didn’t bother with clothes when they climbed into bed, they hadn’t done more than share a few chaste goodnight kisses and a lot of snuggles. 

At the end of the second week of having Obi-Wan home, Qui-Gon walked into their bedroom at bedtime to find Obi-Wan fully dressed except for his shoes, and sitting cross legged on the bed. Qui-Gon felt himself falter. 

“Yes?” he asked, wondering if this was when Obi-Wan finally told him what his punishments were for what he’d done. He had been expecting it to happen eventually. They really hadn’t talked about what happened since the night at the gala. 

“Are you planning to sleep with me again?” Obi-Wan asked bluntly. 

Qui-Gon felt his face heat up a bit. “Oh. Well,” he said, floundering a bit for words. “I am. I just decided to wait until you initiated.” 

Now it was Obi-Wan’s turn to look flummoxed. “You haven’t before.” 

“Exactly,” Qui-Gon said. 

“Oh,” Obi-Wan said. He was silent for a moment. Qui-Gon didn’t speak either. It made him feel deeply uncomfortable to see Obi-Wan looking so very uncertain. It just seemed wrong. And Qui-Gon wasn’t sure if he had caused that or not.

“You know you don’t have to wait for me,” Obi-Wan finally said. 

“I would rather wait for you,” Qui-Gon said. He walked over and sat down next to Obi-Wan. “You’re important to me. I know this isn’t how we’ve done things before, but clearly I am not a good judge of how things should be. And I’m not a good judge of what you would be happy with. So I need us to wait until you’re ready to ask for this.” 

“That makes sense,” Obi-Wan admitted. “Do you want me to take lead as well?” 

“Only if you want to,” Qui-Gon said. He smiled a little. Obi-Wan looked so thoughtful. It was cute. “Do you want to?” 

“I don’t know. We haven’t done that before,” Obi-Wan said. “Maybe. I need to think about it.” 

“Let me ask, do you want to do something tonight?” Qui-Gon kept his eyes trained closely on Obi-Wan’s expression.

Obi-Wan had the look of a man deep in thought. He sat still for a moment, staring down at the sheets while he considered his options. Then he shook his head. “No. Not tonight. I’ll come to you when I’m ready.” He smiled at Qui-Gon in that soft, gentle way that was all his own. Seeing it made Qui-Gon’s heart stutter. He hadn’t seen that smile since Obi-Wan was a Padawan. “Thank you.” 

“You’re worth waiting for. You’re worth everything,” Qui-Gon said. He offered Obi-Wan his hand, which Obi-Wan took and squeezed. “Have you been worried about this, Dear One?” 

“A little. I miss that with you. It wasn’t all bad. I have always wanted you. And the sex could be very good. I just worried because you haven’t waited so long before. I thought-” he cut himself off and blushed. 

“You thought?” 

“I thought maybe you didn’t find me desirable anymore,” Obi-Wan admitted. 

Qui-Gon made a soft growl. He pounced on Obi-Wan and kissed him, knocking him back onto the pillows. It was a heated kiss, but Obi-Wan still couldn’t seem to stop himself from laughing while they kissed. Qui-Gon was glad. Obi-Wan laughed openly when Qui-Gon finally pulled away. He was laying over Obi-Wan. 

“Do you still not feel desired?” Qui-Gon said. 

“No,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Good. Because I do want you very much. You are beautiful, brilliant and wonderful. And a lot of other adjectives as well. I did not mean to make you question that I want you.” 

“I think it’s just left over from before, when I didn’t know why you sent me away,” Obi-Wan admitted. He ran his fingers through Qui-Gon’s hair. Qui-Gon laid his head down on Obi-Wan’s chest and closed him eyes, enjoying being petted so. 

“I’m sorry for that,” Qui-Gon said. 

“I know. And I’ll come to you when I’m ready,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Good,” Qui-Gon said.

* * *

“Ready” took less time than Qui-Gon expected; though Qui-Gon hadn’t been particularly worried during that time. He got to wake up next to Obi-Wan every day. He actually felt better, knowing that some misunderstanding had been cleared up. He didn’t feel the need to rush anything. When he thought about it, he supposed he’d just turned off his drive to have sex. Certainly before they were coming together multiple times a week. Qui-Gon hadn’t been able to get enough of Obi-Wan. But now it seemed like just holding hands was so much more than enough. 

It was definitely more than he deserved. 

Maybe because every touch and smile felt like a gift, he didn’t think much about going past that. 

Two weeks after their talk, Qui-Gon walked into their room and found Obi-Wan lighting candles. 

“This is lovely,” Qui-Gon said with a smile. 

Obi-Wan jumped. He looked a little abashed when he turned around. “I wanted to surprise you. I wasn’t done.” Only about half the candles were lit. 

“Well, I’m surprised,” Qui-Gon said. “Do you want me to help you light the rest?” 

Obi-Wan let out a sigh. “No. My luck is something would catch fire.” 

Qui-Gon walked over and laid his hands on Obi-Wan’s hips. “What got you interested in pyromancy?” he teased. 

“Shush.” Obi-Wan laid his fingers over Qui-Gon’s lips. “I wanted it to be romantic.” 

“It is,” Qui-Gon said. It certainly warmed his heart. 

“I wanted to do something nice for you.” 

Now Qui-Gon frowned. “Whatever for?” he asked. 

Obi-Wan just looked exasperated. “I’m ready. I wanted it to be special.” 

Qui-Gon felt like his heart rose and fell in the span of a beat. He tightened his grip on Obi-Wan’s hips and kissed him. This kiss didn’t last long, but Obi-Wan kissed back and he was slightly pink when Qui-Gon pulled away. 

“You’re here, so it’s special,” Qui-Gon said quietly. 

The smile Obi-Wan gave him was pure sunshine. As was the rest of that night. Obi-Wan took the lead. He was wonderfully self-assured. Qui-Gon had never in their lives been submissive for Obi-Wan. But he found that he loved it. It was the same kind of sexy Obi-Wan was when he was terrifying Trade Guild members. He hadn’t realized how much he could love kneeling at someone’s feet. It just meant something good when it was Obi-Wan. 

All of it was good. And when they finished, Qui-Gon wrapped himself around Obi-Wan like he always did.

* * *

There wasn’t a routine for them to fall into exactly. There was a large amount of work to be done. Qui-Gon found some official title to give Obi-Wan. It functioned more as an excused to give Obi-Wan the unfettered access he already had. It also kept them both busy and running at odd times, though mostly together, which was a relief to Qui-Gon. They also spent time sparring at least once a day if they could manage. Outside of these necessities, they simply spent time in each other’s company. Sex became common again, as did a lot off position switching. 

Qui-Gon was happy. He truly was. But he still had a common, niggling doubt in the back of his mind. After everything that happened, he knew Obi-Wan couldn’t just forgive him. Obi-Wan shied away from gifts, and from any title Qui-Gon could give him. He accepted affection and kindness. But none of this would have been enough anyway. 

Qui-Gon was waiting for Obi-Wan to decide his punishment. He knew when he’d been coming up with a punishment for Obi-Wan (that he hadn’t even deserved) it had taken some time. That was one of the reasons why Qui-Gon hadn’t asked. He also knew it wasn’t his place to question. But it made him feel anxious having to wait. He needed to know what would be done, what would be asked of him. He’d do it. But his mind went wild coming up with possibilities. 

Over a month after they started sleeping together again, and Qui-Gon still didn’t know what his punishment was supposed to be. He was stewing on why that might be while Obi-Wan brushed his teeth. 

“You’re rather deep in thought. Is it the trade bill?” 

Qui-Gon glanced up. He smiled a little. Obi-Wan was wearing one of his shirts. It was large on Obi-Wan, and worn enough that Obi-Wan liked wearing it on night when they weren’t having sex, and Obi-Wan wanted a little extra warmth. 

“No,” he said. “I think your solution is a good one.” 

“You’re just saying that to get in my pants.” 

“I don’t have to agree with you to get in your pants,” Qui-Gon pointed out. 

“True,” Obi-Wan conceded. He dropped down on the bed next to him. Qui-Gon laid his hand on his lover’s knee and offered him a little smile.

“Ready for bed?” he asked. 

“No changing the subject,” Obi-Wan said. “You avoided the point of my question. What had you looking so pensive?” 

Qui-Gon knew he probably looked pretty embarrassed. He hadn’t exactly tried to avoid the question. He just didn’t want to talk about it. 

“It’s… well, I’m not sure it’s my place to ask,” Qui-Gon said. 

“Hmm,” Obi-Wan said. “Well, how about you ask and then I can decide if it’s your place or not.” 

“Leave you to be reasonable,” Qui-Gon said, his mouth tugging into a small smile.

“One of us has to be.” And there was that adorably amused and self-satisfied smile that Qui-Gon loved so much. 

“Alright,” Qui-Gon said. He took a deep breath, found his calm and then let his breath go. “So, I was wondering when you were going to tell me what my punishment would be.” 

“Punishment?” Obi-Wan asked, his brows knitting together. 

“For… for what I did. I deserve it, after everything. I’d just like to know… well, when I should expect to know. Although I would also like to know what it will be.” 

“What do you think it would be?” Obi-Wan asked. He looked very troubled. 

“I have ideas,” Qui-Gon said, his mouth twisting into a true grimace. 

“I’m sure to you,” Obi-Wan said. “But I’m not going to have a punishment for you.” 

Qui-Gon’s scoffed. “Oh please. I’m not a fool. That doesn’t make any sense.” 

“It does for me,” Obi-Wan said. 

“How?” Qui-Gon demanded. 

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. He was silent for a moment, gathering his words. “Qui-Gon Jinn, I am not a Sith. I am not going to rape you to make you feel better. I am not going to beat you so you won’t have to feel as badly for what you did. It’s not my place to give you some penance you can do so I’ll forgive you. Because I can’t forgive you. I want to. I’m trying to. But I don’t know if I ever can. And I am definitely not going to hurt you. That’s a good way to get us into a cycle of hurting each other. And I am not going to engage in that.” 

Obi-Wan’s words didn’t just leave him flummoxed, they actually hurt him. 

“I… Obi-Wan, I’m sorry,” Qui-Gon whispered. 

“I know you are,” Obi-Wan said. “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I didn’t stop you from thinking that everything would be okay back then. And I’m sorry I let this go so long without us talking. You destroyed me. I don’t trust you. I can’t right now, but I’m working on that. The truth is that I deserve every bit of reparation you can give me and then some. But you need to know that with everything you can and will do, it’s not payment for forgiveness. Forgiveness is unlikely to come. Not for how you raped me. For years you did that to me. Years you made me suffer. So yes, you do owe me something. But I’m not going to tell you what or how or where. This is on you.” 

“Will you leave me, if I can’t achieve whatever it is you have in your mind?” Qui-Gon asked. His stomach was so tight her thought he might actually be sick. 

“No… No. I’m staying,” Obi-Wan said. He gave Qui-Gon a pain, bitter smile. “Despite it all, I do love you. I want to be here with you. No matter what.” 

Qui-Gon put his face in his hands. He didn’t know what he could do. He was frozen in his emotion. How could any of this work? It was so ruined that it would be better if Obi-Wan would just go. But Obi-Wan didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay. And Qui-Gon owed it to him to do everything he could to make it work. He would have to try. 

“How can you love me? How? I don’t understand.” 

“I don’t know,” Obi-Wan said quietly. “I just do. You can’t change that.” 

“There’s nothing I can change,” Qui-Gon said with a bitter laugh. 

Strong fingers tugged lightly on his hands, pulling them away from his face. Qui-Gon didn’t look up. He knew he was crying, and he didn’t deserve to do so. He didn’t know how to begin making amends, and feeling sorry for himself wasn’t going to help anything. 

“You changed already,” Obi-Wan said. “You let me go.” 

“One little thing doesn’t mean much,” Qui-Gon said. 

“It wasn’t little,” Obi-Wan said fiercely. “What you did then… it’s a rare thing, and a reminder that my love was not misplaced.” 

Qui-Gon closed his eyes. He only didn’t cover his face again because Obi-Wan was still holding his hands. He could stop his tears, and worse, they were now joined by sobs. He was such a failure. He couldn’t even keep this much to himself. 

Obi-Wan didn’t comment, though. He wrapped his arms around Qui-Gon and held him while he cried. Qui-Gon was weak to turn Obi-Wan away. Instead, he clung to him. He cried until he could find it in himself to stop. It took far longer than he wished. When he was down to just sniffles he went to pull away, but there was resistance from Obi-Wan, so he stayed put. 

“I’ll do better for you,” Qui-Gon whispered. 

“I know you will,” Obi-Wan said.


	5. Chapter 5

Almost immediately Qui-Gon had a problem with figuring out what to do for Obi-Wan. It was freeing in its own way to know that Obi-Wan wasn’t going to forgive him. There was no expectation for it. Qui-Gon just wanted to do things for Obi-Wan because Obi-Wan deserved to have someone who wanted to do nice things for him. And Qui-Gon wanted to be that person. 

The problem was that the Jedi as a group were not good at fostering talents or hobbies that had nothing to do with being a Jedi. Qui-Gon did take pleasure in keeping Obi-Wan’s favorite teas and snacks stocked, and in getting him plants for their rooms, or just other things he thought Obi-Wan might enjoy. But Obi-Wan put very little stock in possessions. That was what happened when a Jedi didn’t really own what they had, and when they expected to constantly lose or have to replace gear or possessions. 

After all, nothing was permanent but the Force. Though Qui-Gon found that there was joy in having something new, or special. He knew Obi-Wan did too, since he still kept that damn river rock Qui-Gon had given him once. It was just that Obi-Wan chose to attach himself to so little that Qui-Gon had trouble figuring out what Obi-Wan would want. 

And forget outings, dates or generally anything that Qui-Gon could take or send Obi-Wan to. He enjoyed museums and libraries, but this was merely an extension of one of the three outlets the Jedi Order had allowed (research, tinkering and meditation. And anything that wasn’t meditation was treated with terrible mistrust). Of course Obi-Wan loved research when it was the only… anything he had to pour any passion into at all. 

But pointing any of that out got Obi-Wan’s hackles up. Qui-Gon didn’t want to turn him from the light. His Obi-Wan was a Jedi with or without the Order. He just wanted Obi-Wan to find something that made him happy that wasn’t work or sex.

Any show that Qui-Gon had tried to take Obi-Wan to had been politely received, but Qui-Gon got the feeling that Obi-Wan hadn’t connected to any of it. If anything, it felt like it was all done for Qui-Gon’s benefit alone. 

He was at a loss at what to do. 

It had been a month and he kept coming back to the same conundrum of what Obi-Wan would like. The only thing Obi-Wan had seemed to enjoy was when Qui-Gon allowed him to help with his hydroponics. Qui-Gon had always been interested in the act of growing plants in nutrient rich water rather than soil. It was one of the ways the Temple grew the plants common to aquatic species. But Qui-Gon enjoyed the challenge of growing normal plants, or even desert plants using hydroponics. 

The upside of the Palace was that Qui-Gon had the money and the resources to set up his own green house on the roof. He also had a stable place, the ability to set aside time to tend the plants himself, and also the ability to hire people to watch over his plants when he was away. He just didn’t like having to have people tend it, and kept everyone out who wasn’t one of the two people he’d hired to care for his plants. 

Obi-Wan hadn’t asked about it beyond the first time Qui-Gon told him what he did and that he didn’t like having a lot of people in his greenhouse. 

But Qui-Gon had offered to let Obi-Wan in so he could see. He didn’t want his hobby to be something that they shared, but he wanted Obi-Wan to know what he did.

And Obi-Wan had been so, so happy. He had asked questions, but not so many that Qui-Gon got the impression Obi-Wan wanted to be involved in his hydroponics. It was merely that Obi-Wan was happy that Qui-Gon had included him. 

But Qui-Gon didn’t really have much that he kept private. Obi-Wan didn’t want to get too involved with his Sith magicks and study, though Qui-Gon answered any question he asked. Outside of that, Qui-Gon didn’t keep much to himself. 

He’d invited Obi-Wan to his greenhouse a few times. Obi-Wan had preferred to stand back and watch. His contentment in those moments were palpable, as was Qui-Gon’s. Qui-Gon just wished Obi-Wan had something of his own that he could focus on and be happy with. 

Making amends didn’t just mean apologizing and doing nice things for Obi-Wan. It meant helping him be happy, and to have a better life. And it was a struggle, but that just meant that Obi-Wan needed it all the more. 

So Qui-Gon sat himself down with a datapad and began typing up everything he could remember about Obi-Wan, working from when he and Obi-Wan first met.

Writing all of that up felt like reliving poison. Qui-Gon had worked hard for years to not think about his time as a Jedi, unless it was to be angry about his banishment. The time of his life where he’d first met Obi-Wan were particularly turbulent and painful, and the years that followed added more to the pain. He’d been reeling from Xanatos (and wasn’t that all a terrible irony now?) He’d treated young Obi-Wan terribly. He’d had a hard time accepting that Obi-Wan was not Xanatos, and that for all his passion that Obi-Wan didn’t have one foot on the dark side.

Writing his notes forced Qui-Gon to face a lot of things he hadn’t wanted to, everything from the death of his friends, to the fact that he had a lot of very good memories of that time. And the fact that he’d never been very kind to Obi-Wan. 

After the first day of his writing, Qui-Gon honestly couldn’t figure out why Obi-Wan had even fallen in love with him in the first place. He still wasn’t certain a week in, but he kept writing anyway. The more he thought about it he realized that as time passed Obi-Wan’s hobbies and interests as a boy had eroded away completely, leaving nothing that wasn’t his studies, the Force and Qui-Gon Jinn. 

Qui-Gon was fairly certain that his life had have taken a similar turn in his youth, though he would have been focused on his own Master. And yet, he also had always maintained an interest in plants and animals that had never gone away. His freedom from the Jedi allowed him to foster those interests.

When it came down to it, there was still little Qui-Gon could find that Obi-Wan might enjoy. There was only one thing he could think of, and it was merely a boyhood interest. Still, it was something, so Qui-Gon focused on his one whole idea.

* * *

Obi-Wan appreciated Qui-Gon’s efforts, he really did. He spent a month and a half watching Qui-Gon try a number of different nice things for Obi-Wan’s sake. He knew that’s what Qui-Gon was doing. He just almost wished Qui-Gon would stop. 

The gifts Qui-Gon gave him were overbearing. Obi-Wan was now the owner of a full, beautiful wardrobe that he had very little interest in. Obi-Wan now owned a number of lovely game boards that he would use, but also would not care if he never saw them again. Qui-Gon purchased an entire book shelf worth of physical hard bound books for him. Obi-Wan appreciated them. He read them more than once, but he also would be happy to sell them and use the money for something else. 

Everything that Qui-Gon bought him made Obi-Wan uncomfortably aware that Qui-Gon’s money came from taxes (heavily on the trade guilds and the wealthy, but still). It felt wasteful for Qui-Gon to buy him things with the money of other people. That money could go toward helping the poor, or building schools, or fixing the infrastructure which had gone ignored while the War was going on. 

And then there were the places Qui-Gon took him. 

Obi-Wan had really, really enjoyed the libraries and the museums. He wouldn’t deny that. He had enjoyed the days wandering around, looking at art or history, talking with his lover and just enjoying learning. And Obi-Wan made good use of the local libraries, both the public and university. But Obi-Wan could go there on his own. 

But even when it was places that Obi-Wan liked, he still couldn’t forget the way people looked at them. Their relationship was their own, but Qui-Gon had made it all very public from the beginning. There was a lot of speculation about why Obi-Wan had returned. A lot of people believed he was some cockslut who had turned sides for Qui-Gon’s famously large dick. That idea angered Obi-Wan just on Qui-Gon’s behalf. 

But even the less vulgar rumors painted Obi-Wan as unethical, or weak, or a liar. Even a moment of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan holding hands in public went all over the holonet and Obi-Wan would have to spend hours on a call to Anakin to assure him that Yes, this was what he wanted.

The trips out felt exhausting. It felt like they were exactly what they were before. Forget that Obi-Wan didn’t have a collar around his neck. Everyone knew that Qui-Gon owned him. 

But Qui-Gon was trying so hard. Obi-Wan felt ungrateful to ask him to stop. And, Obi-Wan bitterly wished hat Qui-Gon would figure it out on his own. 

At least he seemed to be less interested in public dates. At least Qui-Gon seemed to have paid attention enough to realize that Obi-Wan didn’t like it. He didn’t want to be in the public eye like that. He wasn’t a fan of it even when he wasn’t being portrayed as Qui-Gon’s sex doll. Now it just made him sick. 

The only time Obi-Wan had been truly happy with something Qui-Gon had done for him was when Qui-Gon introduced him to his plants. Qui-Gon’s greenhouse was Qui-Gon’s private space. It was special to him. Qui-Gon had always loved plants. Obi-Wan had enjoyed them because his Master had enjoyed them. For that reason alone, Obi-Wan enjoyed his trips to the greenhouse. 

But Qui-Gon jealously guarded his greenhouse and even Obi-Wa didn’t have unfettered access. Although Obi-Wan was fairly certain Qui-Gon would allow him that if he demanded it. But Obi-Wan didn’t want to hurt his beloved like that, and he knew it would hurt him. 

So every time Qui-Gon invited him into that space, Obi-Wan knew how special it was. Obi-Wan enjoyed listening to Qui-Gon wax poetic about his plants and what all the work meant and what was happening with the entire process. Obi-Wan loved watching Qui-Gon get absorbed. He loved being included in that part of Qui-Gon’s life. 

It made Obi-Wan feel like Qui-Gon’s partner. In the greenhouse, he was not just Qui-Gon’s equal, but the person Qui-Gon loved most. It was the only time Obi-Wan felt really, really happy with his life. He wasn’t being stared at. There was no expectation on his as the Negotiator, or as Qui-Gon’s lover or slave or anything. Qui-Gon wasn’t trying to nervously win him back with gifts. 

It was easy, simple and beautiful there. 

In contrast to the greenhouse, arriving to their room and finding a neatly wrapped gift on the table made Obi-Wan very, very tired. 

He let out a deep sigh and approached the package. It was wrapped in gold and white paper, which did look beautiful aesthetically, but meant absolutely nothing to Obi-Wan. It made his soul feel more empty. He put that feeling aside and started to dutifully unwrap the gift.

He considered what it would be. Probably another book or perhaps a new datapad or something. He was already thinking of what politely worded thank you would be best when he finally caught a glimpse of what the gift was. 

He paused for a moment. He had been carefully unwrapping the gift to preserve the wrapping, but once he got that peak he started ripping the paper, trying to get to the gift. 

The paper shreds fell away, exposing a colorful box proclaiming that it was a very accurate model of a star destroyer, one that had about a thousand steps to it, and that it had to be painted. It was a much more complicated version of the model starships he used to build when he was boy. 

“Obi-Wan?” 

Obi-Wan whipped his head around. Qui-Gon had gotten pretty close without him noticing, which normally never happened. Qui-Gon looked fairly concerned. 

“Obi-Wan, are you okay?” 

“Why?” Obi-Wan asked, holding the box out to Qui-Gon. 

Qui-Gon turned red. “I, I remembered that you used to have a number of them in your room when you were a Padawan.” 

“That was a long time ago,” Obi-Wan said. He probably only kept his old models for at most a year after he became a Padawan, and probably less. A lot of them had been thrown away when he’d been sent away from the Temple the first time. Only the combined efforts of Bant and Garen allowed any of them to survive. And Obi-Wan had thrown those out after a while when he realized that adult Jedi didn’t build models and that he needed to act like an adult. It had hurt terribly to see his models in the trash, but he took it as a lesson in attachment and did his best to let it go.

“I know,” Qui-Gon said. “I don’t know what makes you happy. I don’t know if you know what makes you happy. I knew you liked this once… I figured at worst you wouldn’t like it.” 

Obi-Wan dropped his gaze back to his gift. He ran his hand over the box. He remembered the last model he worked on. It had been with Anakin. They hadn’t finished it. Anakin hadn’t actually been all that interested in model building. He had always rather have his hands on the real thing. Obi-Wan had been happy building the first one with Anakin, and so he’d bought another for him. 

But Anakin had wandered off half way through, and just never wandered back to it. After asking twice, Obi-Wan gave up. He’d chastised himself for being disappointed, and blamed himself for not choosing something Anakin actually liked and for getting attached to the project. 

“Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon asked again. 

Obi-Wan looked back up at him. “I like it,” he said quietly. “Thank you.” 

“You… you don’t sound like it,” Qui-Gon said. He’d drawn a steadying breath between his words. He looked distressed. 

“I… I wish I hadn’t thrown my old models away,” Obi-Wan whispered. 

Qui-Gon had his arms wrapped around him before Obi-Wan even realized he was moving. Obi-Wan laid his cheek on Qui-Gon’s shoulder. He couldn’t say he was happy. He was filled with a lot of regret for the life he’d lived. He’d had regrets before, about his actions, about his failures, about what happened with Qui-Gon and Anakin and Satine and all the friends he hadn’t spoken to in years. 

But this was different. He regretted being a Jedi. He regretted what he had done in the name of what he thought he wanted. He knew that growing up meant giving things up. But why had he needed to throw away his models? They had made him happy. His friends, friends he literally hadn’t spoken to in years, friends who had died, they had banded together to save some of his things. They had believed he would returned. They had loved him. 

And eventually had had packed up every single thing that wasn’t the Code. The only parts of his life he hadn’t thrown aside were Anakin, and the man who held him so tight against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Qui-Gon said. His words were spoken quietly, but also quickly and full of the type of regret that didn’t need to be there.

“Don’t apologize. Not for this,” Obi-Wan said. 

“I’ve upset you,” Qui-Gon said. 

Obi-Wan pulled back, looking his lover right in the eyes. “No. No Qui. You… This means a lot to me. I’m grateful. I’m just realizing that there are things I need to face. I threw out so much of my life to become the perfect Jedi… I’m just grateful that you weren’t one of those things.” 

The look in Qui-Gon’s eyes was pained and complicated. “Obi-Wan… I don’t know what I ever did… I don’t know how you ever fell in love with me to begin with. I feel like I shouldn’t be grateful, because I know how much pain I have caused you. But I am. And I do love you. I want you to be happy. I want you to find things you like, things that have nothing to do with me or the Jedi or work or anything but what you like.” 

Obi-Wan nodded weakly. “I… I know. You’ve been trying to tell me that for over a month, haven’t you?” 

“Yes,” Qui-Gon said. There was relief in his voice. “I want to know… do you really like this? The model?” 

“I love it, Qui-Gon,” Obi-Wan said. He hugged the box tight against his chest. “I… I want to build it. I want a space to build it. And it can’t be my office or our bedroom.” 

Qui-Gon smiled in a way that was all understanding. “Pick whichever room you want and we’ll make it your hobby room.” 

Obi-Wan laughed softly. “Please tell me we can call it something better than that?” 

Qui-Gon rubbed his nose against Obi-Wan’s, then he kissed him. It made Obi-Wan smile. “We can call it whatever you want.” 

“Good,” Obi-Wan murmured. He set his gift aside so his hands would be free. He lay his hands on Qui-Gon’s face and dragged him back into kissing. 

He was so glad he hadn’t told Qui-Gon to stop giving him gifts.

* * *

Obi-Wan hadn’t really been any happier to return to Coruscant than Qui-Gon had been. Coruscant held a lot of painful memories for him, and Obi-Wan knew he was still a laughing stock. Any good reputation he’d ever had went off the balcony the night Qui-Gon fucked him for all the world to see. People only negotiated with him after that because he was Qui-Gon’s mouthpiece. Once he’d returned to the Temple it had been impossible to get anyone to listen to him at all.

That was part of why he’d left the Order. He didn’t want to stay on Coruscant with all its rumors and with the way so many Jedi whispered and stared. It didn’t help that Anakin had be thrown out of the Order when his marriage and Padme’s pregnancy was discovered. And it also didn’t help when Ahsoka, sick of the way the Order treated the people she cared for, followed Anakin out the door. 

There were too many eyes on him. Senators openly laughed in his face. The public jeered at him. Too many people in the order whispered behind their hands about him. Even the friendships he’d maintained with Mace and Plo Koon hadn’t helped all that much. Plo had been the lone dissenting voice on the Council during Anakin’s banishment trial. Mace had regrets about the trial enough to have apologized to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan knew that Plo Koon had considered leaving for his attachments to the Wolfe Pack. 

The only other person who had made a point of talking to him was Quinlan Vos. But Obi-Wan also knew that Vos wasn’t going to be with the Jedi much longer. 

It wasn’t that Obi-Wan hated his fellow Jedi. On the contrary, he loved so many of them. He would fight to protect any of them. But something had gone wrong with their culture. There was no room for aberration. And the Order was losing many Knights, Masters and Padawans because of it. So many people couldn’t stay with the trauma from the war. 

At least Obi-Wan left because of love, not because of a sense of betrayal, or hopelessness, or a feeling that he couldn’t be Light anymore. The Order had become too rigid. If the Order didn’t figure it out then they may very well have trouble existing in the future. 

So, no, Obi-Wan did not want to go back to Coruscant. But he went back with Qui-Gon because they needed to. They represented the Confederacy and there was work that needed to be done. By Qui-Gon’s own admission, he couldn’t get the same work done that Obi-Wan could. Obi-Wan was needed there. 

It was different being back from the last time he’d been there on Qui-Gon’s arm, when he had still been Qui-Gon’s pet. Then he had been there to be humiliated. He would do good work, but then be forced to his knees and put through his paces under the eye of old friends. Back then he’d been heart sick and hurt all the time. 

It was even different from when he’d joined Qui-Gon again after returning to the Temple. Then people had been thrown off by his presence. He’d been able to make headway because no one had expected him or knew what to do with him. 

Now people knew he was Qui-Gon’s lover. They were used it. They had already made decisions about him.

Qui-Gon was very vocal about the fact that Obi-Wan was his equal. He was passionate about trying to make people respect Obi-Wan. It was a nice sentiment, but far too late. They either would or would not respect him. He would just have to keep working. Maybe Qui-Gon’s insistence would work on day.

The one upside to being back on Coruscant was the amount of shops. Qui-Gon had done a lot of research and found a toy shop that sold the types of models Obi-Wan liked. Obi-Wan insisted on only building one model at a time, and not letting Qui-Gon buy him a mountain of them. But when Qui-Gon had offered to take Obi-Wan to the store, allowing Obi-Wan to select the ones he wanted, Obi-Wan found himself getting a little excited. 

Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had a rare split in their schedule on the trip, but they were supposed to meet up at the store. At the very least it meant they weren’t as like to get reporters hounding them. That was the one true downside to the plan: they were definitely going to get photographed. The reporters would likely come up with some kind of awful and sensational headline about the types of things they did with whatever toys they looked at.

Being so badly under the lens of public opinion made Obi-Wan feel sick all the time. He hated that he couldn’t even go to dinner with Qui-Gon and have one night to themselves without getting hounded. Innocent things like Qui-Gon offering him a bite of food was spun to be Qui-Gon showing his dominance or that he and Obi-Wan enjoyed a feeding fetish, or all kinds of wild speculation. 

Obi-Wan forcefully shoved those thoughts from his mind as he approached the store. He considered if he should wait inside or outside for Qui-Gon, wondering if it was better to not be in the view of possible press, or if waiting inside would encourage the press to follow them inside. 

“Obi-Wan!” 

Obi-Wan’s head whipped up when he heard Anakin’s very recognizable voice. He stared in open shock as Anakin walked over to him. Anakin dragged him into a hug, proving once and for all that he truly was not a hallucination. 

“What are you doing here?” Obi-Wan asked when he pulled back. “You’re supposed to be on Naboo!” 

“Well, your creepy Sith boyfriend called me a month ago and told me he was planning to take you to this store, but he thought you’d like it better if I came with you instead. And the Padme said it would be a good excuse for me to come back. And she needed to get work done.” 

“So wait, you’re really here.” 

“Yeah, for at least the rest of your trip here,” Anakin said with a grin. They hadn’t been able to see each other in person since Anakin’s banishment, although they’d made many, many calls. 

Obi-Wan dragged Anakin back into a tight hug. Anakin laughed and hugged back. When they pulled apart again, Obi-Wan took a moment to look Anakin over. Banishment agreed with him. He had grown his hair out a little longer, and he was wearing comfortable, fashionable clothes that Obi-Wan would bet anything Padme had a hand in selecting. He looked healthy. There was a large, easy grin on his face. His aura felt light and whole in a way Obi-Wan could never actually remember feeling from him. 

“I’m happy to see you,” Obi-Wan said. 

“I’m happy to see you too. I wasn’t sure what I thought when I first got the call… but you’re really here.” 

Obi-Wan could see how much Anakin missed him. Obi-Wan opened their bond and brushed against Anakin’s side. Anakin opened up instantly. There were so many emotions. Anakin had missed him just as much as Obi-Wan had missed Anakin. Obi-Wan could also feel how content Anakin was. Anakin was so happy with his life and his family. Even though he was stressed about being back on Coruscant, he was still happy. He was happier because he was seeing Obi-Wan again. 

“I’ll have to come by later. I haven’t gotten a chance to meet my godchildren yet,” Obi-Wan said. 

Anakin laughed softly. “Yeah, you’ll have to. Come on, let’s go inside.” 

Anakin took his hand, and Obi-Wan didn’t even try to pull away. He remembered the way Anakin used to drag him around when he was a kid. Obi-Wan’s heart swelled at the memory and at the present situation. Anakin’s smile was massive. 

“Have you ever been to a toy store before?” Obi-Wan asked after about fifteen minutes of Anakin having to stop and examine every little thing they saw. They were nowhere near the models, but Obi-Wan didn’t care. He was just as interested as Anakin was. He’d only been in toy stores a few times and he’d never really been able to look to his heart’s content. 

“Padme took me before the twins were born. She told me a needed a crash course in being a child,” Anakin said, looking up from the toy Loth Cat he was examining. 

“Did it help?” 

“Yeah, I think so,” Anakin said. “I mean, it was a little bit like when I used to play with other kids back on Tatooine. But different. And it’s different when I play with the twins. But still, it’s like I get to be a kid again. But better because no one’s going to smack me and tell me I need to get back to working.” 

Anakin squeezed his hand and Obi-Wan squeezed back. Anakin hadn’t really been a child when he’d come to Obi-Wan. Slavery had already beaten most of it out of him, despite Shmi Skywalker’s very best efforts. 

“I’m glad you have this chance,” Obi-Wan said. 

“What about you?” 

“What about me?” Obi-Wan raised a brow. 

“Are you doing okay?” Anakin asked. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said. “I won’t lie and say every day is easy. Qui-Gon has a temper. He always has, even before. Some days I see it bubble to the surface, but I also see him walk away when it gets to be too much for him. He tries very hard. He… he gave me this back.” 

“Gave you what?” Anakin asked. 

“I made certain to excise every bit of myself that wasn’t what I believed a Jedi should be… well, except for my relationships with you and him. Now that I’m not part of the Order, I’ve struggled to find myself again. I hadn’t even realized. But Qui-Gon knew. He tried to help, even when I wasn’t ready to hear or accept the truth.” 

Obi-Wan looked to the beautiful store around them. 

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin said quietly. 

“Look at this place, Anakin. I never would have thought that I would be in this type of place, especially not to buy something for myself. But I am. And it’s good this way… and Force, he knew how worried I was about the Press hounding us through this trip. So he didn’t even come. I know it costs him to not be here. I know he wants to share this with me… but he sent you. He got you here for me.” 

Anakin dragged him into another hug. Obi-Wan hugged him back, squeezing tightly. Anakin was so solid and so real. Obi-Wan had missed him like a bleeding wound. Anakin was his brother and his best friend. He belonged at Anakin’s side. 

“I’m glad,” Anakin murmured into his shoulder. “But he’s still a bastard.” 

Obi-Wan laughed quietly. “Agreed. But he loves me. And I love him.”


	6. Chapter 6

They were coming up on their ten years anniversary. Ten years since Obi-Wan left the Order. Ten years of being together as a couple. Obi-Wan was a little bowled over by it. Some days it felt like the time had gone very slow. It seemed like he’d been at the Palace forever. It didn’t seem like he’d ever actually been a Jedi at all. Other days it felt like he’d only just left the Order. 

Obi-Wan was completely certain that Qui-Gon was going to do something big for their anniversary. Qui-Gon liked big gestures. Over the years, Obi-Wan had learned not just to indulge them, but also to enjoy them. Qui-Gon worked hard to find big gestures that Obi-Wan would enjoy. Everything from planning lavish meals with insane details, but only for the two off them, to getting them private dance room and filling it with flowers from Qui-Gon’s own garden. Qui-Gon had rooms renovated for him. He’d built a sun room on the roof for Obi-Wan when Qui-Gon’s realized that Obi-Wan had figured out that he liked sun bathing but still wanted his privacy. He’d bought him hard to find models and commissioned new ones just for Obi-Wan. He’d scheduled surprise vacations to Naboo multiple times, including a number that Qui-Gon restrained himself from going on as to not upset Anakin. He’d even scheduled a trip to Mandalore and allowed Satine to chew him out for days so that Obi-Wan could visit. He’d gone to dinner with Mace Windu and Obi-Wan because Obi-Wan had wanted Qui-Gon to get along with some of the people from his old life. 

And then there were the things he hadn’t done for Obi-Wan. Plo Koon and his entire Wolf Pack had been gifted a lavish home and estates after he’d left the Order. Qui-Gon and Dooku had bought the Cloning Facilities on Kamino and turned them over to the Clone Troopers to decide what they would do with it. Qui-Gon had led an expedition to the Outer Rim to free slave planets, including Tatooine. 

Anakin had actually joined Qui-Gon for that. So had Quinlan, Plo, most of the Wolf Pack and a number of other Clones. Obi-Wan had stayed behind with Ventress to keep the government running. 

Even without an official title, everyone knew Obi-Wan was the planning arm of the government. That was probably why there are been a couple of kidnapping attempts. Although the kidnappers were lucky if Obi-Wan got himself out of it, because they’d probably only lose their limbs if he got to them first. They lost so much more if Qui-Gon, Ventress, or Force Forbid Dooku found them first. The Sith were incredibly inventive when it came to punishments. They didn’t even have to physically torture people. 

Obi-Wan didn’t know what Qui-Gon was planning for their anniversary, but just thinking about it made Obi-Wan smile. Qui-Gon worked so hard to love him. Obi-Wan had come to cherish the dependability that Qui-Gon gifted him with. He hadn’t truly expected to trust Qui-Gon again. And yet he expected Qui-Gon to be careful with him, and careful with his own temper. He expected Qui-Gon to withdraw if Obi-Wan flinched, and to try and make whatever was wrong right again. 

Obi-Wan mused at that particular thought while searching for socks. The downside of loving another man was that sometimes it was hard to find your own socks and underwear. Qui-Gon didn’t even properly fit Obi-Wan’s underwear, but he still wore whatever he got his hands on. Obi-Wan didn’t understand it at all. Obi-Wan should just give up on having his own socks. Their feet were close enough in size that it wasn’t too big of a deal. But it was the principle of the thing that had Obi-Wan in Qui-Gon’s sock drawer trying to find is own socks. 

Whoever built Qui-Gon’s dresser made it for small giants, because while Qui-Gon could comfortably see into the top drawers and reach around in it, Obi-Wan was just a bit too short and couldn’t really see. It made the great sock hunt all the more challenging. If Obi-Wan didn’t know better, he would swear Qui-Gon put Obi-Wan’s socks in is dresser on purpose, just to bother him. 

Obi-Wan grumbled softly to himself until his hands brushed over something fuzzy but hard. He grabbed onto the thing, a little box and pulled it out. It was dark blue, and obviously a ring box. Obi-Wan’s heart stopped for a second and then slammed into his chest. He opened the box before he could even think that he shouldn’t. 

Inside the box was a ring. It was breath taking. Silver and white metals twined together like a braid. Between the metals where ten small pieces of Corellian shimmerglass, which were clear and shown brilliantly. The whole thing looked so delicate and beautiful, like a crown. 

He had to hand it to Qui-Gon, this was possibly the biggest gesture he could have come up with. 

“Obi-Wan, are you still trying to find socks?” Qui-Gon as he stepped into the room. Obi-Wan could hear the amusement in his voice. 

“I got a little distracted,” Obi-Wan said. 

“With what-” Qui-Gon suddenly cut himself off. “Where did you get that?” 

Obi-Wan’s stomach twisted. Qui-Gon probably had a much bigger surprise planned for the proposal. Of course Obi-Wan would bungle the whole thing.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to mess up your proposal.” He looked up from the ring to Qui-Gon who had cross the distance between them. 

The look on Qui-Gon’s face wasn’t just disappointment or frustration. It was a combination of pain and fear. Qui-Gon reached for the box, but Obi-Wan pulled it away before Qui-Gon could take it. 

“There isn’t going to be a proposal.” 

Obi-Wan didn’t know he could feel like Qui-Gon ripped his heart out anymore. But those words hurt him a lot. It was an actual, physical pain in his chest. 

“Because I found the ring early?” Obi-Wan asked. “I don’t understand.” 

Qui-Gon let out a heavy sigh. He stopped reaching for the ring, but his face still held so much pain. “Obi-Wan, I wasn’t planning on proposing.” 

“Then why do you have an engagement ring? Don’t tell me that isn’t what is it,” Obi-Wan said. They’d been together for ten years. Did Qui-Gon not think Obi-Wan was worth being his husband? 

“Because I’ve had it for a while,” Qui-Gon said. 

“That doesn’t explain why you have it or why you weren’t going to propose,” Obi-Wan said. 

“I was going to, at one point,” Qui-Gon admitted.

Those words hung in the air between them for a moment, along with a heavy silence. Obi-Wan looked back down at the ring. It was beautiful, and Obi-Wan had never seen anything like it. Qui-Gon told him once that he enjoyed designing jewelry. Obi-Wan had received more than a few pieces that Qui-Gon had designed or made with his own hands. Obi-Wan knew Qui-Gon’s style. He was certain he’d designed this ring. And it would have been expensive. 

“What did I do to make you change your mind?” Obi-Wan whispered. 

“Obi-Wan, Sweetheart, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Qui-Gon was trying to be kind, but Obi-Wan wasn’t having it. 

“But I did do something,” Obi-Wan said. 

Qui-Gon made a pained sound and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Do you remember the when I sent you away.” 

“Of course,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Do you remember the night we had right before, where I got your favorite chef to come, and I got all dressed up for you… when you… when you called yourself my slave.” 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan whispered. He looked down at the ring again. “Why?” 

“I didn’t just dress up for an anniversary. I was going to propose then.” 

Obi-Wan felt like the entire planet took a sideways shift. Qui-Gon was looking down at the floor, and wouldn’t meet his gaze. Qui-Gon had been planning on proposing all those years ago. 

“Why… why didn’t you ask again?” Obi-Wan asked quietly. 

Qui-Gon still wouldn’t look up. A self-deprecating smile settled on his lips and he shook his head. “I don’t deserve to be your husband, no matter how much I want it.” 

Obi-Wan looked back down at the ring. It was beautiful. Qui-Gon had clearly put a lot of thought into it. Obi-Wan could picture Qui-Gon back then, younger with a lot less greys and a lot less sense. He remembered that night, how beautiful he looked. Obi-Wan had a thought back then that maybe Qui-Gon had dressed up to look good not only for him, but just to Obi-Wan alone. 

He looked at Qui-Gon now. They were both older. Qui-Gon had more grey hairs than brown now. He had more wrinkles too. But he was still so handsome. Obi-Wan had his own greys. Qui-Gon still loved to run his hand through Obi-Wan’s hair and tell him how soft it was. Qui-Gon liked to kiss his wrinkles. He liked to hold his hand and lace their fingers.

Obi-Wan took the ring out of the box and slipped it on his finger. 

“What are you doing?” Qui-Gon asked. 

“I don’t think that you don’t deserve to be my husband. I want to marry you. I was happy when I saw the ring. So, will you ask me?” 

Qui-Gon finally met his gaze. He swallowed nervously and then nodded. There were tears in his eyes, as well as a lot of hope. He swallowed slowly and drew in a shaky breath. It made Obi-Wan’s heart squeeze. He never should have let Qui-Gon get to this point. They should have talked about what they wanted in the future as a couple.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi, will you be my husband?” Qui-Gon asked. 

“Yes, Qui-Gon Jinn. I will happily be your husband. Now kiss me.” 

Qui-Gon smiled and then grabbed Obi-Wan and dragged him into a kiss. Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around his Fiancé, cradling him close while they kissed. The kiss didn’t last long. Qui-Gon pulled back and covered his mouth with his hand, attempting to muffle a sob. Tears had begun to fall from his eyes and he’d begun shivering.

“Qui?” Obi-Wan asked quietly was some concern. 

“I didn’t think this could be real,” Qui-Gon whispered. “I thought you’d never want this.” 

“Oh Qui,” Obi-Wan said. He kissed Qui-Gon’s cheek. “I’m sorry, my love. I’m so sorry that I ever made you feel this unwanted. I failed you.” 

“But-” Qui-Gon started. Obi-Wan placed a finger against Qui-Gon’s lips, silencing him almost instantly. 

“No,” Obi-Wan said. “I once told you I wasn’t certain I could forgive you. That may have been foolish of me. I didn’t know what time could do. I didn’t know how you always, always trying to support me to could mean so much. I didn’t know how much a heart could heal. It still hurts so much some days… but I forgive you. You’re my partner. I trust you. I love you. I want the entire world to know how much you mean to me.” 

Qui-Gon really started to sob. Obi-Wan just held him and let him cry. Silently he swore to himself that he would do better. Their relationship deserved Obi-Wan doing better, if nothing else. And being married meant something. They would be unit. Obi-Wan needed to think of Qui-Gon more from now on. He’d gotten out of the habit, and that wouldn’t be good for either of them. 

When Qui-Gon’s tears subsided, he took Obi-Wan’s hand and examined the ring. 

“How does it look?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“Better than I ever imagined,” Qui-Gon whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> From the first note: This is an AU of They Made Many Mistakes. In that fic, Qui-Gon is a Sith, but he and Obi-Wan use the smoke screen of an evil Sith humiliating a Jedi as a way to allow Obi-Wan to still be a Jedi, but for both of them to be together. I got the idea of wondering what would happen if it wasn't a smoke screen.
> 
> This scene was extremely hard for me to write because of Obi-Wan's complicated feelings about what Qui-Gon does to him, because he knows he loves Qui-Gon and still desires him. But that also doesn't mean he consents to what happens here.
> 
> I actually have a rest of this story in mind. If anyone is interested in the rest, I may write them. It's a bunch of scenes and time jumps covering about 10 or so years after this scene. This is the roughest/most graphic scene. There is a story here, but as I said, this was hard for me to write and I don't know if anyone would want to know what happens after this. Things do get "better" from here, but it's still a dark AU.


End file.
